Weekend

Thursday... bringing P to the show. He's been emotionally needy for, I don't know, a couple months. It makes me a little nervous since he is the partner of my sister and the father of her children. But we do stuff together; we like a lot of the same music and have the same camera. We both love and care for my sister.

I tend to put up boundaries when dealing with guys I'm not interested in but who seem to be, or could become, interested in me and if I don't know where they stand. But I don't like being that way. I don't like to have to be so extra careful, putting up blocks, psychically stepping back from them, even pushing them away by being cold, even rude. Especially if it's someone I like or care about or who obviously needs something.

He really wanted emotional counseling, so Thursday night I did that for him. I can't say if it helped him, I think so, but some things he said made me more at ease with our friendship. He's told me before that he's used to having a lot of female friends, something he misses now, and that's great because I'm used to having a lot of male friends, something that's been harder to have since I got married. But at the show he told me that while young he used to ask his mom for a sister. He always wanted a sister but just recently realized through his partnership with my sis, he now has three.

Now we both know where we stand and I'm able to be a sister to him. I can do that.

Friday... I was jonesing to see Crushboy. I called him that evening because I wanted to hang out with him, and because my sister wanted him to go to a BBQ at her house on Saturday. His phone went straight to voicemail and I didn't leave a message because, well, I hardly even feel comfortable calling him at all.

So D went to my bro's house to program until the early morning hours and I watched the entire first season of Sex and the City on DVD.

Saturday... in the morning crushboy called me. He didn't know I had called him because he no longer has that cell phone.

I marinated Chicken, made potato salad, and we picked him up on the way to the BBQ at my sister's house.

Vimanaboy showed up as well. D wanted to go hiking and P wanted to take mind altering chemicals. I knew beforehand that he'd want to because he called me several times to ask if I would with him that day. I told him I'd have to see how I felt, and I'm glad I made no promises because I was still recovering from the emotion altering chemicals from Thursday. But the other boys were mostly up for it.

Vimanaboy hiked into the park with us, left us with a flashlight and extra batteries, then headed back. D, P, and Crushboy had their psychedelic fun and I tried to keep them out of trouble. We hiked for hours in the massive park east of Santa Rosa, sat on a bench in the moonlight, talking, P made some strange musical sounds on a little modified Casio keyboard, and we got lost on the way out of the park trying to get back to my car.

Posted by Ari at 14:59:04