Time to Waste

Listening to: Alkaline Trio - Crimson

R shows up at my house yesterday, early afternoon. I'm unshowered and alternating work with slacking off.* He asks for the time and then has to promptly leave for a job interview nearby.

I took a shower and he returned after getting the job. We went to lunch and then I drove Gypsy to the vet. Her eye has been oozing for a few days and her nose a little runny. Now she's on antibiotics again, plus eye ointment.

I met back up with R and got dinner with him and C at Aleworks. I got soup and water, the boys were pizza and wine. Juan, R's friend and the father of Histronic-girl's baby, shows up. In our musical chairs at the bar I ended up next to J for a while. I love talking to him. If I knew how to flirt, I would have been. J is awesome.

R came home with me last night. He had to because his car was at my house and it made sense for him to stay because he had a new job orientation early and nearby. I wasn't expecting anything, but then he asked if I wanted to mess around. He said I couldn't get attached but then while we were having sex he had some pretty emotional moments. Otherwise, it was hella hot and fun. I have needs, but I'm still too freshly hurt to have feelings.

That doesn't mean I don't love the idiot, just that I'm not going to get silly about him.

*Like people with “real” jobs don't do that. It seems most people I know who work in front of the computer somehow have way more time than I do to make chatty phone calls, write emails, IM, read/write blogs and webcomics, browse porn, and whatever else people do when they are bored and procrastinating. The only differences are that my time is flexible, I can't bill for my wasted time, I don't hate my life, and I no longer sit in front of my computer when I'm bored... I'll clean the house, go for walks, watch DVDs of TV shows, or hang out with real people. The TV show thing is just a phase, mainly because I have too short an attention span these days to watch full movies. Anyway, I'm quickly running out of good shows, so it can't last much longer.

There are people, specific family and extended family members, who persist with the assumption that because I hardly ever talk about work or money, because I make myself available to do things with or for people I care about, and because I am non-monogamous, I have “way too much free time”. I can see that these people, so obviously and needlessly jealous, have at least as much “free time” as I do, or as anyone does. They assume that D spends way more time working than I do, but they don't know that he somehow has hours a day to chat, read dozens of blogs, web-comics, and novels, or to play his PSP, among other things.

There are a few web-comics that I love but I haven't “had the time” to read any of them at all since the beginning of spring. Why? Because I've sacrificed that, for example, to make time for other things. It's all about choices. When I run out of TV shows, or get bored with it, I'll probably get caught up with web-comics or novels.

Anytime I get the chance, I explain to these jealous people that free time is just a state of mind. It's a state of mind I intentionally began to work on over eight years ago. It all depends on what's important to the person and how willing they are to take action. Everyone has the freedom to make choices. And to be happy with what they choose.

Posted by Ari at 21:13:20